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The Hidden Fortress

The Patent Office


mad
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Such as:

 

goli:

a microwave that comes with a padlock, for those women unfortunate enough to be co-habiting with engineers.

 

mad:

The concept that dark matter is actually kipple which is why things vanish and reappear unexpectedly, and why there is so much of it.
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  • 4 weeks later...

The Personal Portable Black Hole...

 

Ideal for all that clutter! Pack everything you want to hide into the PPBH, and enjoy your instant clutter-free home!!!

 

Particularly useful for those moving house - simply pack everything into the PPBH, stick it in your pocket and when you get to your new house, it can all be easily unpacked.

 

Save time and energy lugging heavy shopping!

Many, many more uses!

 

NB - not suitable for pets, livestock or children.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Are YOU plagued by tangled wires? Enraged by knotted string? Whipped to fury by the illicit mating of cables that were put away organised and neat and have taken it into their heads to enter into a frenzy of confusion??

 

Fret No More! Salvation is at hand in the form of

 

Fort Cable and Cord Conditioner!

 

Simply smooth a little of this wonder product onto your leads, cables, and strings, and all your tangle troubles will be over..

Also available in Super Grade for hosepipes.

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  • 1 month later...

No time to exercise?

Or simply need to work out more than you can manage?

 

Avatar-dancing!

 

It's the simple way to work off those surplus ounces!

 

As devised by our own Kexsie, a living testament to the success of the process!

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  • 5 weeks later...

Tired?

Utterly Worn Out?

 

Hate all that 'getting ready for bed' rigmarole?

 

Then the Fort Chair/Bed Translocator is for you!

 

Simply fall asleep in your chair and the F C/B T simply and painlessly transports you to the comfort of your own bed, teeth brushed and all ablutions complete, for a peaceful and hassle-free night's sleep.

 

('computer-keyboard imprint on forehead' or 'Evil Quilt' options are available, and Migi's patent 'Head Cushion' comes with the deluxe model)

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